At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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