Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Randomize
