i wish peter jackson would direct porn
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
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