I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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