i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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