Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
