my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
