I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
It's blow job season.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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