remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
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