he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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