He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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