Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
