I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize