So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
