def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
