Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
