you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
