I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
