i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
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Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
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Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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