you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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