We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
