The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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