how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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