So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
