Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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