Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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