She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
