she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Randomize
