There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
How does one acquire holy water?
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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