Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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