what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
