i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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