Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Randomize
