I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
