You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
