just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
