another moral hangover. fuck.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
