Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
