Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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