having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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