he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
My feet surprised me
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
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