I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
