yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
