is your mom at the bar?
I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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