I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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