just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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