I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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