I wanna passion pit in your ass
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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