You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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