Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
porn star boner night. come get it.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
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