pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
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