sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
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This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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