so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Randomize
