I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
