Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
babies were throwing up all over the place
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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