Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
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So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
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I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
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