new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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