Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
