Tell her she can't have a vagina
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
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The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
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First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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