So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
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