Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize
