Im at strip club and am horny
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize
