i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Randomize
